On the way home tonight I stopped by a convenience store to pick up a bottle of root beer for a friend. On the way back to my car, I almost didn’t hear the homeless dude to the right of me digging through of the trash. I turned my head slightly and tried to listen to what he was saying outloud to himself.
“I’m sorry! I don’t have a house. I don’t have a family. I’m sorry I’m digging through the trash. I’m so sorry. I don’t have anywhere to go. I need to dig through the trash. I’M SORRY!!! …”
I got into my car and closed the door. I sat there for a bit soaking the scene in. I wish I could have helped him. I wanted to tell him it was OK and to just take him to my home and make him a nice, warm dinner. Give him a place to sleep for as long as he needed.
Considering the fact that I am currently living in a studio apartment shared by 5 people… I’m sure it wouldn’t have worked out. I am grateful to have a warm, dry place to go home to at night. I wonder where homeless dude is sleeping tonight. I hope he’s ok.
I wish I could help everyone.
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I’m right there with you…
It is a difficult thing, watching homeless people trying to survive. I don’t know if Adriana ever told you, but I was there many years ago, when I first moved to California in 1997. During my days of being homeless I met several others like me and thus soaked in an insider’s view. I discovered that the vast majority were comfortable being homeless as having to work or function normally in society was more than they cared to handle. A large but still smaller portion were homeless because they had no one to turn to when this became the case. A small number, the group to which I soon belonged to, were doing our best to get off the streets as quickly as possible. I did so, and in turn helped a few others out of the same situation. Ever since then I have always been known to take in those who need a home. While I was in my second year of college I was always bringing in students who perhaps would have to quit if they did not find a place to live. It felt really good to be able to help, and I never expected anything from them in return. It eventually culminated into me taking in my niece, who after just shy past 5 years of living with me, has moved in with her mother. While she was living with me, she was my excuse not to bring in any homeless people into our home. Her safety was top priority. Now that she has left, I find myself wanting to help anew. My partner and I discussed the situation and concluded that nowadays, it is a little scary to do so. People just aren’t who people were back in the day. Most–not the guy you saw as he sounded truly homeless–of the people I see on the streets today have thier car parked just down the street, or are not homeless at all, just trying to cash in, or they are scamming people and are really well off, or they are out of a job and working the streets as a preventative measure. It is thoroughly confusing as to who to help and who not to. I came home one day and thought to return to some girl who had approached me with the concept that she and her boyfriend locked their keys in their car and that then while they were trying to open it, they realized they forgot their wallet/purse in the store and it was stolen, so they needed money for gas to get home to Eugene. I started to question myself as to why I did not help. The story was so elaborate, it had to be real. I was on my way back out when Fofo (Jason) asked me where I was going. I told him and he proceeded to tell me that my initial instinct was right, it was a scam. They were there the day prior doing the same thing and had approached him, as they did me. This upset me a great deal as I almost fell for it. Again, it just really kills it for those who really are homeless and in need of a good meal, or a place to stay. I regret to say that I never got around to helping out some people I had intended to assist. There was a crowd of people that gathered at a quiet intersection/exit here in Vancouver, who were very obviously homeless. Of the 5-7 times I saw them, they were taking turns pan-handling, while the rest were joking about, sitting under a couple of trees, away from the hot sun. I meant to take them some food, or give them my address so they could swing by to eat any time they so desired. They I knew would truly appreciate the assistance and they all looked like good people.
I apologize for the long break-less blurb. I forget to separate things into paragraphs when I am typing freely with emotion, and this my darling, is a topic I have great emotion about. I want to help, but often find myself conflicted with “who” to help. At the very least I strongly and actively support Goodwill and more importantly, the Salvation Army. While Goodwill helps a lot of people, the Salvation Army does a lot more for those who are actually living on the streets. I could progress on the topic for quite a while, but for now, whether I am a saint or a monster, I do what I feel I can and I just have to learn to live with that, while I figure out new ways to help. It is life after all, and the most important thing is learning how to live it.
Ciao Bella. Best to you and your family.
-ahmad
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