You could say that I’ve had a harsh childhood. I’ve had to deal with very difficult things. Before those times, I used to have vitility, enthusiasm and a genuine love of life. After those things, I didn’t quite have as much as I used to.
I would sit in the car with the love of my life and I would tell her: “I don’t feel anything.” I am, or used to be, a very stoic person. In my youth, I had endless enthusiasm. Everything was fascinating, interesting and entertaining. Everything excited me.
Somewhere down the line, I lost the enthusiasm. Nothing motivated me or made me feel passionate. I couldn’t care less about anything. Even things that used to excite me before. I was not depressed. I did not have negative thoughts. I just didn’t think anything in particular about, well, anything.
My motto was: “It just is.” If something terrible happened, I would just respond with, “It just is. It just happened. Oh well.” It’s better than being very upset by it, I think, but at the same time it didn’t resolve anything. It didn’t make me feel better.
When something GREAT happened, I would respond with, “Oh, well, that’s good.” But that was it. I did not get excited, joyed or show any other type of positive emotion. I ceased to think about it after the initial thought. That was that and I went back to not thinking about anything at all.
Well, I want to change that. I’m tired of living a stoic life. What’s the fun in it? I realized that I need excitement. I need to notice and APPRECIATE the little (and big!) things in life. I want to get excited about things. Really, genuinely excited. I want to be bursting with happiness whenever I meet a new person. I want to be interested and involved. I want to laugh and cry at things, events, life.
I’m tired of simply existing. I want to be living instead.
I’ve been reading a lot lately and it has been helping tremendously. Within the past two weeks I’ve read the following books:
1. “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz
2. “The Mastery of Love” by Don Miguel Ruiz
3. “When Everything Changes, Change Everything” by Neale Donald Walsch
… and currently I am working on: “Enthusiasm Makes the Difference” by Norman Vincent Peale. It is fantastic.
Guess what! I am EXCITED!
Also… I need to start posting pictures with each post. It makes it prettier. YAY!
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